why I was afraid to call myself a feminist

When I was younger I didn't identify as a feminist. I believed feminists burned their bras and hated men - and I was at that age where I'd just sprouted boobs so I actually enjoyed wearing a bra and thought boys were alright actually. Women could vote and go to school and work, what was the big issue?

I was naive and I was young. I was in my little western bubble where I believed because something didn't affect my life, why bother? As I grew older and a little bit wiser, I realised there were a lot of things I could care about that didn't affect me personally and that was just part and parcel of being a decent human being

However I still felt uncomfortable labelling myself as a feminist. I'd learnt that it wasn't about burning bras and not shaving - although both are valid life choices - feminism has one central belief; equal opportunities for men and women. It wasn't and isn't about hating men at all - it's about being treated equally. It's really that simple.

A certain breed of men and women don't seem to understand that ideology. They see feminism as a threat - something aggressive and unusual that shouldn't be given the time of day. “Bet you'd complain if men didn't open the door for you, that's not equal is it.” Actually I consider myself a decent human being and hold open a door for anyone behind me - man, woman, cat, rat etc. “Women these days have nothing to complain about, it's a load of rubbish and a cry for attention.” The gender pay gap is still very much a thing - it's been proven women in some job roles effectively start working for free from mid November to the end of the year. You get paid more for having a Penis - so yes, it's important. “Well I'm a woman and it's not affected me and my job.” Congrats, now open your eyes and see the bigger picture - some women in the world aren't even able to choose who they want to marry, so start caring about someone other than yourself.  

I feel very passionate about equal rights and about feminism - but I didn't identify as one for a long while. The reason for this wasn't because I was worried I'd be judged by people who weren't- it was because I was worried I'd be judged by people who WERE. I enjoy looking made up and wearing low cut tops, how could I identify as a feminist? I was worried people would berate me - YOU’RE NOT ENOUGH OF A FEMINIST.

That's the problem. It's the men and women who identify themselves as feminists by dictating how a feminist should act/dress. Can you wear a face full of make up as a feminist? Can you enjoy casual sex? Can you wear low cut clothing? Can you enjoy feeling sexual? YES. Yes you absolutely can. Anyone who says otherwise is misled and needs to practise what they preach.

There isn't a “text book” feminist. It doesn't have to be about wearing turtle necks and sticking to one monogamous relationship. Modern feminism is and has always been about one core belief; equal rights for all. Wear what you want, date who you want - paint your face as bright as a rainbow if you want. There aren't and should never be any limitations.

Ultimately you shouldn’t be defined by your outward appearance, an empathic brain and good heart will take you a long way.

So now I'm no longer afraid. I am a boob fanatic. I am a red lipstick addict. I am an animal lover. I am a false eyelash slave. I am a woman.

I am a feminist.

HayleyHeartsxo