why I don't want to have kids.

Wait...you DO WANT kids?! I used to think that too, but I changed my mind and so will you don't worry. I mean aren't you worried you’ll get BORED? Not to mention it's pretty selfish of you...what does everyone else think about your decision? Your mum and dad? I really think you'll change your mind, trust me on this one.

If you read this and felt a little bit offended because you DO want children then that's great, as that was the point. The above is mostly the reaction I receive whenever I tell anybody I have no interest in having children. My boyfriend also doesn't want to have children, but that's okay, men are allowed to make their own minds up...but I am a woman. My sole purpose is to BREED, goddamnit and it makes people feel uncomfortable when you admit you don't want to follow the grain. People assume you're cold and unloving and immediately call for the womb police to come and detain  you for daring to think your life would be absolutely fine childless.

I always assumed when I was younger that I would have kids, as that's ‘just what you do.’ You find a partner and move in together, you get married, you have a couple of kids and spend your holidays in Spain and complain about how the prices go up during the school holidays.  That's just what you do.

It never really occurred to me that when I got older I had a choice and I could decide that I DIDN’T want to do that (at the very least not wanting to go away during school holidays, yikes. I'm not made of money.)

I find myself more likely to coo over a puppy than a newborn, and dreaming about travel - not decorating a nursery. If you do have aspirations to be a mother or father then that's great, hats off to you as it's a massive life commitment and just one that I personally am not ready for, and I don't think I ever will be.  

So why does that simple fact seem to bother everyone else?

I’ve been with Mike for over three years now and whilst in the ‘olden days’ it would have been customary to question when we are going to get married, we seem to have accepted as a society that not everybody gets married and that’s fine, so the next line of questioning is when we’re going to have a baby because apparently that's a given. During our relationship we have both been subject to the ‘you'll change your mind’ lecture - because apparently someone I barely know is capable of deciding my mind better than I am. Perhaps the worst argument was from an ex colleague who exclaimed ‘but won't you get bored….just the two of you?’ This is ridiculous on many levels - if you're having a baby just to relieve boredom, then you need to find yourself a hobby, not a baby my friend...and secondly, no I won't.  Why would I get bored spending my life with my best friend?

The next assumption is that you hate children and are in a similar league to Miss Trunchbull. Whilst I do share her fondness for chocolate cake, I don't hate children - I just don't want any myself. Yes, they may look cute but they're hard work and a massive commitment that is not to be taken lightly. You can’t half arse having a baby...it’s a forever choice and it’s relentless...and it’s not for everyone. Not to mention babies don't stay babies forever - they go through all the stages, including the moody teenager *shudder* and if my baby is anything like me as a teenager, I'd rather not. I enjoy being “selfish”. I enjoy having freedom and I enjoy lying in bed on a Saturday morning with Mike until 11am with no obligations - no crying baby to attend to, no playdates planned and nowhere to be, just the two of us - ready to conquer the day together - or at least conquer a McDonald's breakfast first.

I have never and will never judge anybody for wanting to have kids - you do you, but be open minded enough to know that not everybody shares the same desires and another woman's womb is not up for discussion. I've decided I don't want to have babies - I have no idea if I can, as I haven’t tried.  However, someone who DOES want them and is unable to, I'd imagine being asked about babies over dinner can be pretty upsetting, not to mention rude and none of your business.

I was initially nervous to write such a blog as I didn't want anyone who does have kids to think it was an attack on them, as it's absolutely not. There are plenty of people with children who accept not everybody wants them, but there's also a whole host of people who don't and that is why this blog post exists.

I don't want to have children, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. You alone are in charge of your destiny - you know what's right and what's wrong for you. You control your own happy ever after and whether that contains children or puppies, it's your story and yours alone.

Myself and my future pomeranian wish you well.

HayleyHeartsxo