why I decided to join Slimming World.

I've always had a weird relationship with my body - my boobs seemed to grow before everyone else's and due to my sweet tooth and love of crisps, so did my waist line. 

In highschool all the boys only went for the slim, pretty girls and so I decided, that if I were to diet and slim down, I too would be worthy of being someone's girlfriend for a week. (relationships didn't last long in highschool.)  

I went on the strangest diets - I read once that pineapple was good for boosting your metabolism so I therefore decided not to eat anything other than pineapple and cereal. Unsurprisingly, that one didn't stick. I stumbled across pro-anorexia sites online and whilst I was incredibly lucky to never succumb to such an awful disease, I certainly did some pretty questionable things such as chewing my food and then spitting it out to avoid the calories from time to time. 

Needless to say, I wasn't very nice to my body. It didn't help when boys would turn to me and say ‘you've actually got a really pretty FACE.’ the emphasis on face, hanging there.They knew what they meant...I knew what they meant. It was pretty much drummed into me that my face wasn't the problem, my body shape was. 

Unfortunately at that age I wasn't wise enough to realise that those boys who didn't fancy me weren't worth my time, and whilst I might not be their cup of tea - I might be someone else's. (Or maybe someone else's hot chocolate as I hate tea. I know. I'm sorry. I'll hand in my British passport right now.) 

It's a cliche but it's a cliche for a reason - I eventually realised that the most attractive thing a woman can wear is confidence, and as I've got older I've accepted that I'll never be a size 8 blonde - but that doesn't mean I can't work with what I've got. 

When I met Mike, he was only ever complimentary about my figure and my being - which was great for my ego and for a while, we became the couple who would sit in with a movie and enjoy a take away (or two.) I'd accepted I wasn't going to be a size 8, but I still wasn't happy. We both tried to go on diets together, but the main failing is that a diet isn't maintainable - it HAS to be a lifestyle change, otherwise you'll just get back to where you began. We’d do okay for a week, but then I'd be sneaking chocolate and getting upset whenever Mike mentioned our diet as in my warped head I wouldn't see it as him being supportive, I'd see it as a slight on me. “He'd prefer you if you were skinny,” the evil voice in my head would boom, no matter what he said contrary to that. 

Last October we went on the trip of a lifetime to the beautiful Bali, and even in the humid heat, I found myself covering my arms and legs with cardigans and leggings as I felt too self conscious to have them out. I disliked full length pictures of myself as I hadn't accepted that's what I looked like, and it was with that I decided I needed a change. I no longer wanted to be the girl that would scrabble for her towel after getting out the swimming pool, the girl who stood towards the back at group photos and who never owned a winter coat for fear it left her looking ‘bulky.’ I would be the girl who held her head up high, who wore a swimsuit with confidence….and who would buy a winter coat and not freeze 7 months a year. 

Two days after we got back we both joined Slimming World and in that time I'm 1 pound away from losing 2 stone without lowering my food intake to just pineapple and cereal. I eat healthily during the week and then allow myself what I want (within reason) at the weekend. It works because I feel excited to go to group to see my progress on the scales, and to have the support and encouragement of all the members who are going through body battles of their own. I can notice the difference in my clothing, and my confidence levels are on the up but they've still got a long way to go until I'm 100% happy. 

But for now? I'm being nice to my body. 

HayleyHeartsxo

(the above dress is one I bought from a vintage shop a couple of years ago that never fit...and now it does! it's so rewarding to see the changes in the way your clothes feel/fit.)