why being cheated on was the best thing that ever happened to me.

When I was 19 I had my first serious relationship. It was by no means perfect, but as I had nothing to really compare it to, I believed myself to be happy and forgave bad behaviour and general dickishness for the pursuit of happiness.

Nearly 2 years into our relationship everything came crashing down when I discovered via my friends that my boyfriend had cheated - not once, not twice, but multiple times throughout our relationship with several different women - one of whom I knew. I was utterly heartbroken. Everyone had seemingly known but me.

My ex seemed unapologetic when I tearfully confronted him about it and denied it all until the evidence was too much to lie about.

It took me 6 months to fully get over it. I hadn't seen it coming whatsoever. I felt angry that the person I thought I knew wasn't anything like what I believed. I think that's what hurt the most - thinking you know someone inside out and finding out everything you believed to be true is a lie.

I wasn't in a good place for a while but honestly? I'm glad it happened.

I'm glad it happened as it made me reevaluate my worth. It made me a stronger, more empathic person who speaks up when they feel they're being wronged and doesn't tolerate shoddy behaviour.

This does occasionally have it's downsides. I can be incredibly judgemental and for a while I believed the world to be full of good people and people who cheat. In my mind, if you were capable of cheating on someone you couldn't be a nice person.

To some degree I still believe this. My ex would justify his behaviour by making out that I was a horrible person so it was okay. I think it's much easier for one to justify shit behaviour when vilifying their partner.

A couple of months later I was in a club when I started talking to a guy who I thought was nice and funny and who bought me drinks. A few shots later and we were holding hands and kissing like we were teenagers. I was giddy with happiness - maybe things do happen for a reason, I thought. “Oh god I feel really bad,” he slurred drunkenly. Uh oh. “You see I've got a girlfriend…”

Arsehole. Utter arsehole. I'm pretty sure I said something similar to that as I fled the club, feeling guilty. I could imagine a girl similar aged to myself sat at home - trusting that her boyfriend is out having a couple of drinks with his lad mates and he'll pop over later and see her. I hated that. I hated that if this girl found out that her boyfriend was actually out kissing other women it would hurt her and I would have been a cause, unintentionally or not.

I wish more people felt like this and had more regard for others feelings. Some people I know don't care or respect if a man or woman has a partner and will actively pursue them with the excuse: “I’M not the one who has a boyfriend/girlfriend” as if that is an exemption. You're still a dickhead, just not as big a one. Congrats.

Despite being cheated on, I never let it hurt my trust in other people. You can be cautious, of course, but it's wrong to tar everyone with the same shitty brush as one person with bad judgement and bad morals.

I'm glad I was cheated on as it meant an end to a doomed relationship and the start of a new one. My current relationship makes me feel like good people do exist - I met a kind hearted man who makes me feel loved and valued every day 3 and a half years later.

We met online and chatted for over 3 months prior meeting. It would take a further 4 dates before our first kiss, 4 months until we said the L word and 2 years and a half before we moved in together. We’ve been living together for over a year now, and I can hand on heart say I've never been happier - he makes me laugh like muttley, listens to me when I need to moan and cooks the most amazing dishes.

Some people might say I was lucky - but being treated with love and respect isn't luck, it should be a given. Never settle for anything less than amazing because life's too short to not be treated right.

I'm glad I was cheated on because it made me assess what I actually wanted in a relationship rather than going out with the first guy who paid me a compliment. It made me strong and whilst it might have hurt at the time the hurt passes and life goes on.

If you're going through or have been through a hard time then the most important thing you can do is to be to kind to yourself. Don't let bad experiences define you or hold you back. You're not the problem - you never were. Be kind. Be open minded. Be happy.

You deserve that.

HayleyHeartsxo